she looked like the before picture.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
