She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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