So drunk its hurt
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
