Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
