he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
