i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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