I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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