Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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