I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
