gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
