if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
