If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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