Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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