I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize