I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
