We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
