My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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