Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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