the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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