Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
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So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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