She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Michael Bay diarrhea
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
