You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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