The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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