I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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