I love having hate sex.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
