who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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