For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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