Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
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i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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