I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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