Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
