Having a random hookup so left but love u
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
