help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
