His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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