On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
