There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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