life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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