I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize