I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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