You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Randomize
