Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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