This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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