Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
