please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
