How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
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The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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