My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
