'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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