I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
