she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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