I cut my penus on the lid.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I want a musical about memes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
