my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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