so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
