question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
