i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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