We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
where are you?
Hypothermia
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
