You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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