did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
there was a trapeze. enough said
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
