Your tits are I can't wait for
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
