What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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